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Saturday, November 14, 2015

The Move: Part 2





This post is the second portion of a 2-part post. If you haven't yet read part 1, you can find it (here).


When was the last time you went after a goal? 
If it took you more than 10 seconds to think of something, let me ask you this: When was the last time you set a goal?
 
You see, goals are funny to me. When I think of "goals", I think of my early Mia Hamm days when I was on multiple soccer teams at a time (indoor, outdoor, club-- you name it). I spent a lot of my weekends at soccer games and tournaments running up and down the field with a half-pony and a half-idea of what I was doing. In retrospect I really wasn't that athletic, but the rush I got from making goals was electric. Never-mind the fact my parents promised they'd buy me a pack of PokĂ©mon cards for every goal I made in a game; I'm pretty sure the thrill of working hard at something and seeing the results of my achievement was the true source of my excitement and post-goal pride [the possibility of scoring a holographic Mew was just an added bonus]. 

Did I set those goals? No; It's the inherent nature of athletic competitions, but if you think about it, sports are not alone--there are a lot of situations in life that set standards or set goals for you: grades in school, performance at work, parental expectations... and the list goes on. These goals are still goals, but I think sometimes they condition you to think goals are unimportant societal standards. They dilute the power of goal-setting and in many ways has changed the conversation to "dreaming" and what it means to "follow your dreams". It's not cool to talk about setting goals. Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against dreaming--but sometimes I think we convince ourselves that dreams are a fair replacement for goals. Pair a dream with a plan and the willpower to work and now you've got a goal.

During the greater portion of this year I found myself longing for an old dream that had no plan. And do you know what it felt like? Failure. It felt like I had missed the mark, like I had really let myself down. I had convinced myself I had failed to meet expectations--but whose? It took me a long time to realize I had no right to feel defeated because it's not like I had fought and failed. 

When I found myself working a routine job, living in a temporary housing situation, surrounded by unstable social surroundings I felt defeated. Trying to become that young, independent, and successful working woman in the heart of Chicago felt like a goal I needed to abandon. For me, simply abandoning my goal meant wallowing in my circumstances with the untrue belief I had tried everything in my power to change them. If you allow yourself to believe that you’ve done all you can—you cheat yourself from any hope of self-inspired change. Defeat isn’t an action--it’s a reaction. It’s the final step in recognizing hopelessness. The greatest way to combat the feeling of hopelessness is to have faith in your future and confidence in your ability to get there. 

The great news is you’re not alone. Besides the support of true friends and family, you have a loving God who is the greatest champion for hope and your future. Once I realized I was pursuing the wrong goal, with the wrong course of action, I redirected myself with newfound tenacity and earned confidence. [I think confidence has gotten a bad rep for embodying exuberant perceived happiness. Confidence is not about embellishing joy at the reputation of exposed insecurities. Confidence is about true certainty in what you say and do.] To say my confidence was earned is to say it wasn’t externally given and consequently revocable.
Once I gained that confidence, I began my effortless journey to getting what I want. OK...I’m done laughing--regaining my composure now. Gaining confidence isn’t a breakthrough moment that alters your world. Confidence is a practice that requires regular revisiting. It’s not a light-switch moment; It’s finding a flashlight and remembering to use it every time you’re in a moment of uncertainty. Recognizing I was not where I wanted to be led to finding where I should be…and then, working on getting there. 

Let me be as frank as a hot dog: I wasn’t happy at my last job. I knew I needed to make a change. Not wait for change, hope for change, or ask for change. But abandoning a goal required a goal to abandon. Before I could make change, I needed a goal to seek after. I decided I needed to revisit my larger career goals, and then make plans on how to get there. It’s as simple and as complicated as that. Maybe one day I’ll get into the details of that experience, but for now I’ll leave you with the results of the process. 

Moving to Kentucky wasn’t the goal, but it was a change I made to pursue my goal—my goal of making a career doing something I love. Wanting to be an advertising media mogul in a city environment isn’t wrong… but it didn’t get to the heart of my real dream—which was to pursue a career in something that aligned my values, my skills, and my talents.

Wiping my figurative vision board took about as long as the time it took to create. Creating a new vision, likewise didn’t take too much time. Figuring out how to get there did.

Choosing a goal isn’t hard, making daring choices is. Making daring choices requires more than confidence, it requires bravery. I love the way I once heard speaker and author Jon Acuff* describe bravery:
Bravery is not fun. It’s fun to watch other people have it…[but] you know what bravery feels like? Bravery feels like wanting to cry, wanting to throw-up, like not sleeping very well. Bravery is a choice, not a feeling.
Moving to Kentucky was not a picturesque moment of easy living. It wasn’t like that college move-in day full of excitement and anticipation at what’s to come. It was messy, and scary, and real. It was packing my entire life up, saying goodbye to familiarity, and driving 8 hours South by myself to a town where I knew nothing and no one. It was moving to a town where I had no idea where I was going to live. You want real? I spent my first week in Kentucky living in a motel. Talk about NYC TV glam! I spent a week living out of suitcases and laundry baskets in an uncomfortable environment. But do you know what I needed more than an available apartment with affordable rent?? Bravery!

I want to be clear that experience does not necessarily breed expertise. I’ve moved A LOT in my life. Like a lot, a lot. Don’t let that fool you into believing I’m now comfortably receptive to the massive amount of changes that moving requires. Sheer repetition might make it easier, but it certainly doesn’t make it easy

I’ve been here just over a month now, and I’m still adjusting to the changes. I’m still learning my surroundings, and making countless accommodations to challenges I face. Let me be real transparent: I slept on the floor until I could buy a bed. My heat didn’t work for a week, so I bought a $10 heater at Walmart to heat my freezing room at night until I could have the Gas Company come turn on the gas. I don’t have a microwave, so I cook everything in my Easy Bake Oven. [Ok, I use my adult oven or stove.] I don’t own any furniture (besides my bed and a foldable chair), so I either eat on a blanket on the floor or use my kitchen counter as a tall table. I don’t know where anything is in this town so I still use my phone’s GPS to guide me just about anywhere. [I used my GPS this past weekend to locate the Krispy Kreme donuts shop that ended up being 4 minutes down the road from my apartment.] These are just some of the changes I didn’t anticipate—the non-glamorous side of starting a new life. These temporary struggles aren’t moments of personal pride. Choosing bravery and trust in a compassionate and loving God despite these moments, however, is something worth celebrating.

This move is the culmination of a lot of scary challenges and changes, but it’s the start of some really exciting things, and I am so hopeful of what’s happening and what is to come. 

So thanks for catching up on my life by reading this. I hope it inspires you to move to Kentucky. OK, not really, but I hope it inspires you to set your goals, face your fears and choose bravery. I’m not here to say it’s easy; I’m here to say it’s worth it.

I’ll leave you with this awesome quote from another great speaker and author, BrenĂ© Brown:
“We’re all afraid. We just have to get to the point where we understand that doesn’t mean we can’t also be brave.”

So go be brave my friends and watch what happens! I look forward to the blog posts to come from this amazing adventure.


* If you want to hear a great talk on experiencing “Do Overs” in life, I highly recommend this podcast from Jon Acuff.




 

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